tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post6971454125778796014..comments2023-06-24T11:38:47.717-04:00Comments on Black Girls Rule!: Love and Marriage?Aimeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05618974302577733245noreply@blogger.comBlogger99125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-47571942568157607092007-12-01T15:19:00.000-05:002007-12-01T15:19:00.000-05:00Trula, OFF COUSRE their are all these "Nice, decen...Trula, OFF COUSRE their are all these "Nice, decent Black men who want to marry Black women". <BR/><BR/><BR/>That is why 70% of BW are single. <BR/><BR/><BR/>Get real. And save the defense of BM please. If you think they are so great and such angels who NEVER hurt BW, then why do you not go to a BM & WW IR-focused blog and talk about how great they are there? <BR/><BR/><BR/>The women here who talk "crap" about BM on here talk those FACTS because your precious BM have HURT THEM VERY DEEPLY. <BR/><BR/><BR/>You are very much out of line.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-79694918641087046632007-12-01T15:11:00.000-05:002007-12-01T15:11:00.000-05:00Aimee, (Sorry for the rather long delay in answeri...Aimee, (Sorry for the rather long delay in answering) you certainly are a smart cookie. That was an inspiring post. If a given BF can manage to make these people and their garbage irrelevent & invisible, then I am all for it.I applaud her and support her. But the ones who cannot, what about them? I think they need to be supported and protected, loved and uplifted, so these very deep and painful wounds can be healed. Also I am not convinced that any female can be made to feel beautiful and special without some kind of imput from males. Close yes, but completely? I am not so sure about that. I could be wrong, but this is one to ponder for sure.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, I like talking to you. You help BW, and that is all I really care about in the end. <BR/><BR/>Yes, I have noticed that about the so-called "queens of the world"- the WW, and it tells me all I need to know. My answer is, "And people actually have the nerve to pick on BW?" You have seriously got to be kidding me. <BR/><BR/>Until the next time my freind.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-5840173877858567162007-10-29T06:15:00.000-04:002007-10-29T06:15:00.000-04:00Trula saidAlso, if you go into an IR relationship ...<B>Trula said<BR/>Also, if you go into an IR relationship with such a stank attitude towards black men, you will end up with some non-black loser...</B><BR/><BR/>Your attitude is more 'stank' than anything ever written on this blog, and you want to educate folks how to behave, what a laugh!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-51948095409030424482007-10-29T01:42:00.000-04:002007-10-29T01:42:00.000-04:00Hello everyone...Hello Aimee! I'd first like to sa...Hello everyone...Hello Aimee! I'd first like to say that I have thouroughly enjoyed this blog and will be reading each post to catch up! Great work!<BR/><BR/>Secondly...i've always been told that you can't truly love without first loving yourself...you get what you put out into the universe, if it's ugly, beauty will not reciprocate...<BR/><BR/>Sisters have to realize this important truth before thier IBM (ideal black man) or whatever their taste becomes a reality...<BR/><BR/>Love is beautiful, complicated and needed...marriage is the canvas...Risshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08796649675080413500noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-89851136422727808842007-10-28T21:18:00.000-04:002007-10-28T21:18:00.000-04:00I also wanted to say, I agree with the suggestion ...I also wanted to say, I agree with the suggestion that anon(s) start their own blogs. And I love the convo on Tyler Perry movies, although I don't agree with a lot of it.Trulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15747934288312884976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-36542221712161384902007-10-28T20:54:00.000-04:002007-10-28T20:54:00.000-04:00Are all these conversations about interracial dati...Are all these conversations about interracial dating? sheesh<BR/><BR/>I didn't read any of that in the post.<BR/><BR/>I think if a black woman really wants to get married to a nice man, that she make herself a nice marriageable woman. So many of ya'll post crap about black men and how tired you are of them, well I am tired of reading you complain about it. Consider that because so many of you don't sound ready for marriage, not really, and you want to blame it on black men. Who cares if some color-struck black man 'flaunts' his blonde girlfriend? He's a loser, you don't want him anyway (seriously, do you really want to marry somebody color-struck?), so keep it moving. <BR/><BR/>There ARE plenty of black men who are nice, decent, and who want to marry black women. <BR/><BR/>Also, if you go into an IR relationship with such a stank attitude towards black men, you will end up with some non-black loser...because who else will settle for being chosen because you felt you couldn't have/find the man you really wanted. No one wants to be second best. If you want to be with a black man, go for it. If you want to date someone not-black, go for it! But don't do it out of misery or a sense of deprivation. You will just make yourself and somebody else feel bad. Think about it! How would you feel if some white guy was like, I'm open to dating black women because all white women are mean and don't like white men. <BR/><BR/>You'd feel second-rate and like crap, I bet.Trulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15747934288312884976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-49864380385271880862007-10-28T12:01:00.000-04:002007-10-28T12:01:00.000-04:00"Taylor-Sara said... Aimee I honestly think one of...<I>"Taylor-Sara said... <BR/>Aimee <BR/>I honestly think one of the main obstacles affecting women (unmarried) is that many women are attracted to bastards, and I feel like it is something we must get over. Marriage and bastards do not mix. I would love it if you would come to my blog take the bastard test and give your opinion-thanks</I><BR/><BR/><BR/>Here is a viable solution to avoiding the bastards ...<BR/><BR/><BR/>Why couldn’t a wife, of any race, whose best female friend<BR/>is a Black single mom, approach her husband with the<BR/>request that they as a couple include her best friend + kids<BR/>as part of their family, with her husband becoming the<BR/>adoptive father of the kids of the single mom and becoming<BR/>husband to the single mom in concubinage (she becomes his<BR/>concubine by informal covenant and contract, in a ceremony<BR/>of their own design with the exchange of their covenants<BR/>with his wife as witness, instead of by civil or formal legal<BR/>means, since bigamy and polygamy are illegal in America).<BR/>The kids of the single mom get a committed and already<BR/>successful father figure, and the single mom gets a husband<BR/>with whom she can soul-bond and count on, plus she gets to<BR/>see her best friend a whole lot more. Real love can<BR/>overcome jealousy and envy, if they selflessly work at the<BR/>marriage, as you would have to in any marriage.<BR/><BR/>A compassionately cherishing husband, who consistently<BR/>compassionately cherishes his own wife, thus making her<BR/>very secure with him, should be able to come to his<BR/>compassionate and generous wife and ask her to<BR/>thoughtfully consider such a controversial proposal as the<BR/>following: “Darling, I’m very concerned about our Black<BR/>sister who is struggling as a single mom and having a very<BR/>hard time. I believe that the conditions in our own family<BR/>would allow us to be of considerable help to her in her crisis.<BR/>Please think about us accepting her and her kids as part of<BR/>our family, with me as father-figure to her kids, with me as<BR/>husband to her and her as concubine to me—-with lifelong<BR/>commitments for the sake of both her and her children.” Of<BR/>course this would follow the husband and wife having<BR/>thoroughly discussing and considering the issue in general<BR/>before any specific action is taken. It would take a very<BR/>secure wife to share her husband, but compassion has<BR/>moved people to heroic and selfless actions throughout<BR/>history. The real needs of the fatherless children would be<BR/>met. The real needs of an adult female would be met, who<BR/>had been sexually loved and who may have a genuine<BR/>sexual appetite with no one to meet it in a context of soul-<BR/>bonding, commitment and genuine caring about her as a<BR/>whole person. <BR/><BR/>*You can never persuade me the single mother lifestyles<BR/>described above are better than first, a one-honorable-man-<BR/>one-wife loving and committed relationship; or second, (if<BR/>there are no honorable unmarried men willing to commit<BR/>and cherish) a one-honorable-man-one wife-one-concubine<BR/>loving and committed relationship. My Black play-sister<BR/>Elaine told me the easiest thing to get, for her as a Black<BR/>female, is a hard dick and a panting male. I asked how easy<BR/>it was to find a male who would commit maritally and<BR/>honorably to her and her well being, for life. She got real<BR/>quiet and acknowledged how rare it was to find such an<BR/>honorable man. Given the choices of no sex, lesbianism, sex<BR/>without commitment and polygyny, she said it was<BR/>something to seriously consider. <BR/><BR/>*Since we, as humans, are basically selfish, most of us would<BR/>not be inclined to<BR/>participate in a polygynous marriage, especially today’s<BR/>modern woman. Most of the 40% of Black women who<BR/>never marry don’t want to marry unless they can have it<BR/>their own way, which would not include sharing a husband.<BR/>Broad is the way that leads to family self-destruction and<BR/>many there be that go that way; but narrow is the way to<BR/>family-salvation and a remnant few that are willing to do<BR/>almost anything to save their children (especially their<BR/>sons), their moral integrity and their feminine virtue will<BR/>make the hard decisions necessary. Some will find other<BR/>ways (support groups, counseling, a benevolent male<BR/>friend) to be the firm but loving and supportive mothers<BR/>they need to be, a few will be open to the polygyny option,<BR/>whether Christian, Jew or Moslem.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-82864362447834800422007-10-25T17:59:00.000-04:002007-10-25T17:59:00.000-04:00Aimee I honestly think one of the main obstacles a...Aimee <BR/>I honestly think one of the main obstacles affecting women (unmarried) is that many women are attracted to bastards, and I feel like it is something we must get over. Marriage and bastards do not mix. I would love it if you would come to my blog take the bastard test and give your opinion-thanks<BR/><BR/>http://sarasbloginterraciallove.com/Taylor-Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10105589774077925400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-36578153670355965352007-10-25T08:18:00.000-04:002007-10-25T08:18:00.000-04:00GREAT commentary...http://whoseamerica.blogspot.co...<B>GREAT commentary...</B><BR/><BR/>http://whoseamerica.blogspot.com/<BR/><BR/>"So Marry-Your-Baby-Daddy day lives on. <B>I don't know how to feel about this because of course, it's terrible that it's necessary but marriage is apparently not stylish in the African-American community.</B> I cannot imagine having a child without being in a happy marriage. Marry the man you love AND LIKE then have babies when you're ready. Like Michelle did."<BR/><BR/>"If you're not committed enough to marry a person, you're not committed enough to make children with them. Also, <B>"by the age of 30, 81 percent of White women and 77 percent of Hispanics and Asians will marry, but that only 52 percent of Black women will marry by that age."</B>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-67953347586933967712007-10-25T07:26:00.000-04:002007-10-25T07:26:00.000-04:00Is marriage a dumb move?Falling in love after year...<B>Is marriage a dumb move?</B><BR/><BR/>Falling in love after years of building wealth can make life complicated. Tying the knot can sometimes make it worse.<BR/>By Jennifer Merritt, Money <BR/><BR/>(Money Magazine) -- Michele Mann was doing just fine on her own, thank you. She had launched a successful interior design business, which now earns her about $100,000 a year. She'd nearly paid off the two-bedroom Phoenix condo she had bought for $450,000 in 1992. And she'd amassed a handsome portfolio. <BR/><BR/>Then, two years ago, the never-married Mann, now 56, met Charles Wally, 67, a divorced retired rancher and insurance executive who lives in nearby Scottsdale, and love changed the game plan. "We were on the same page about so many things in life," says Mann. This month they'll wed. <BR/><BR/>More from Money Magazine <BR/>Is marriage a dumb move? <BR/><BR/>Beat the market - by doing nothing <BR/><BR/>Top investor hangs tough with Countrywide <BR/> <BR/><BR/>Best Places to Live <BR/>Current Issue <BR/>Subscribe to Money <BR/><BR/> <BR/>Enlarge Photo<BR/>Michele Mann and Charles Wally<BR/>Michele Mann and Charles Wally<BR/>CLOSELegally bound <BR/>Nothing kills romance like the words "my attorney." But you can't ignore what's at stake. The legal documents you'll need: <BR/>If you're getting married <BR/>Consider a prenuptial agreement, especially if you want to earmark assets for your children from a previous marriage. It will spell out how your money and property will be distributed when the marriage ends (either by divorce or death).<BR/> <BR/>If you're not <BR/>You'll want to have what's called a "living-together agreement." Similar to a prenup, it specifies who owns what, which expenses and assets you'll share and what happens if you separate. Also, have a lawyer draft health-care proxies, HIPAA privacy waivers and medical powers of attorney, which will let you make health-care decisions on each other's behalf and give you rights such as hospital visitation.<BR/> <BR/>No matter what <BR/>Update your wills, beneficiary designations on retirement and brokerage accounts, insurance policies and titles on your house and cars if you are fully merging your assets. <BR/> <BR/> <BR/><BR/>Mann and Wally are a conventional enough couple that not getting married never crossed their minds. But these days it occurs to plenty of other couples of a certain age and wealth who are put off by the risk and inconvenience of joining two financially mature households.<BR/><BR/>It's a matter of security and ease: Had Mann and Wally simply opted to live together, for example, they wouldn't have had to deal with sorting out the ownership of two homes, deciding on a succession plan for Mann's business or protecting the inheritance for Wally's four kids from his two previous marriages. <BR/><BR/>No wonder that over the past decade the number of unmarried partners over the age of 65 has increased by 70 percent. The decision to wed or not, of course, is between you, your intended and your conscience. But you should realize that from a coldhearted financial perspective, the U.S. tax code and Social Security rules don't necessarily come down in favor of marriage for people with a substantial amount of assets.<BR/><BR/>True, you'll automatically reap certain legal benefits from tying the knot, such as access to employee perks or a greater voice in health-care decisions. On the other hand, you may find yourself paying a significant price, from lost income to higher taxes. So whether you plan to say "I do," or "Let's not," be sure to ask yourself these questions first.<BR/><BR/>Will marrying lower your income?<BR/>You no doubt realize that if you're collecting alimony from your ex, you'll likely give that up when you remarry. But you may not have considered the effect on your retirement income. Remarry before age 60 and you'll lose any Social Security income you're entitled to from a previous marriage. Ditto for a pension. "If you're retired or one spouse is widowed, you're often better off just living together," says Kirk Kinder, a financial planner in Bel Air, Md. <BR/><BR/>But matrimony may triumph in this regard: It entitles you to a cut of your new wife or husband's pension and Social Security payment, and that sum may be larger than you otherwise would have collected. Get estimates for both scenarios from the Social Security Administration (use the "Detailed Benefit" calculator) and your company pension-plan administrator. <BR/><BR/>Marriage can also affect the taxes you'll pay on your Social Security benefits. As an individual you can earn $25,000 a year before your Social Security benefits are taxed. As a couple, your total income can't exceed $32,000 (for more on what counts against that threshold, see "Working in Retirement: The Real Story".)<BR/><BR/>Will marrying raise your taxes?<BR/>You may pay more income tax today if you file jointly, but much greater tax savings could come your way later. You can inherit all your spouse's assets tax-free, but an unmarried partner must pay federal estate taxes on any amount over $2 million through 2009. (In 2010 the estate tax disappears, and the exemption goes down to $1 million in 2011.)<BR/><BR/>If you plan to sell a home, you'll double how much of your profits are free from capital-gains taxes ($500,000, vs. $250,000 for a single person). Both own homes? Consider living in the place you want to sell and renting the other for two years to qualify for the $500,000 exemption, says Dallas financial planner Sean Monohan. After that, move to the home you plan to keep.<BR/><BR/>Will marriage increase your liabilities?<BR/>As a married couple, you'll usually pay lower auto insurance premiums. You may also do better by joining your new spouse's health insurance plan. As a self-employed person, Mann estimates she'll save $265 a month when she's added to Wally's retiree health insurance plan. On the flip side, being married can legally obligate you to shoulder some big expenses, such as your spouse's loan payments or credit-card debts. <BR/><BR/>Will it disinherit your kids?<BR/>If you have school-age kids, be aware that that your new spouse's income and assets will count in financial aid formulas, possibly lowering any help your children will receive. Adult children can pose a different problem: Because marriage would give your spouse first dibs on your estate, you'll need to draft a new will and possibly a trust with the help of an estate-planning attorney to keep your kids' inheritance intact. <BR/><BR/>For Mann and Wally, the hassles are a fair trade-off for building a financial future together. The couple have already made some changes to their wills - Wally is leaving Mann his house (worth just under $1 million) - and their life insurance policies. And the pair are seeking legal advice on how to handle their other assets and their estates. "On the way to the altar, there's yours, mine and ours," Mann says. "And there's trying to keep the romance alive during it all." <BR/><BR/>3 fast fixes for Mann and Wally<BR/>Choosing to marry has created some financial challenges for the couple. Monohan offers this advice for a lasting union of heart, mind and money.<BR/><BR/>Decide if the business is theirs or hers. Unless Mann and Wally sign a legal agreement specifying individual ownership, the couple would share the income as well as any liabilities from Mann's interior design business. And half would become part of Wally's estate should he die while the business is running.<BR/>Move to her house. Mann plans to sell her condo, estimated to be worth $1 million, eventually. As a single person, she can exclude only $250,000 of her $550,000 expected profit from capital-gains taxes. But if the couple live in the house for two years after they marry, they could keep $500,000 tax-free.<BR/>Use insurance for bequests. Wally wants to leave money to his four children, and Mann hopes to provide for her niece and donate to charities. They could do so by updating their wills, but a simpler method would be to make their heirs, instead of each other, the beneficiaries on each of their life insurance policiesAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-37083891197149749442007-10-25T00:59:00.000-04:002007-10-25T00:59:00.000-04:00^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^That's practicall...^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^<BR/><BR/>That's practically a poem with my made up name in it. I dig it D.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-84095801336176443372007-10-24T00:03:00.000-04:002007-10-24T00:03:00.000-04:00it seems to me like these conversations have evolv...it seems to me like these conversations have evolved to a deeper level than where they were 3 months ago...<BR/><BR/>and it seems like the "wise" and most effective voices are speaking out and being recognized a higher percentage of the time.<BR/><BR/>as a single white male interested in finding a wonderful and lasting relationship, and open to whatever flavor that may be... i'm glad to see this evolution.<BR/><BR/>i don't know if this makes sense, but as a white male, the vibe i can most relate to is that a BW would respond to my flirting because she found me attractive, and because we have things in common... NOT because she feels betrayed by BM.<BR/><BR/>what's that saying... love like you've never been hurt.<BR/><BR/>and i've been seeing that more lately (and less focus on DBRBM)... which i think is healthy.<BR/><BR/>every once in a while, when someone slips back into something which sounds angry, i feel tempted to respond something like "i'm sure your pain is real, but moving past it is the only way to be happy... don't let it control you any longer..." and it seems so clear to me...<BR/><BR/>but if you ask me about situations in my life where i've felt abused, and how long it took me to get over it... i would say BW are doing pretty darn well, when all factors are considered.<BR/><BR/>black women are getting hit from both sides, figuratively. i'd probably be a little bent out of shape too. and so the wisdom shown by those who've talked about moving on, being happy with yourself, and putting priorities in order... is doubly sexy... way to go, ladies! it's kind of a buddhist / taoist thing going on : )<BR/><BR/>off the top of my head... aimee, and llr... i agree with almost every single word... keep it up.<BR/><BR/>let love rule (a phrase, not the name : ) is a great motto to live by... let all the b.s. stay in the past... and deal with the present as the present.<BR/><BR/>whether it's WM/BW relationships, BM/BW, WM/WW, BM/WW, or any other combination... let love rule. interracial... not interracial... it's all good... let love rule.<BR/><BR/>and be who you want to be with because its who you want to be with... and to the newbies who feel like you might want to be more open but aren't exactly sure... just jump in and get your feet wet... you'll figure it out soon enough if your mind can wrap itself around the idea.<BR/><BR/>and to paraphrase halima... yes, it's a little harder in some ways than a same race relationship... but if two people specifically make allowances for and conquer those obstacles... that can be a source of bonding even stronger than a "regular" relationship. in my opinion.<BR/><BR/>and when you get to that point in a relationship... all the other "crap" out there just doesn't matter, as far as your happiness.<BR/><BR/>: )<BR/><BR/>DDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06929822438922748582noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-3039540708767994052007-10-23T16:26:00.000-04:002007-10-23T16:26:00.000-04:00ABW =Anxious Black WomanABW =Anxious Black WomanMiriamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06067406973014144499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-17909264002755931942007-10-23T08:47:00.000-04:002007-10-23T08:47:00.000-04:00Say, speaking of movies, ABW was discussing variou...Say, speaking of movies, ABW was discussing various queens that existed and I suggested some theatrical colleged bw maybe will start making movies,but she came up with a better idea...YouTube!<BR/><BR/>just thought i'd spread the idea to anyone.Miriamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06067406973014144499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-40468998427003981552007-10-22T21:03:00.000-04:002007-10-22T21:03:00.000-04:00Aimee said... ... powerful people don't simply rel...Aimee said... <BR/><BR/>... powerful people don't simply rely on defensiveness and reaction to protect and care for themselves in the face of attacks.... And they don't just focus on "getting back" at wrongdoers; they invest in their own health, peace and well-being. The fact that they exist in a place of self-confidence and serentity in and of itself serves to intimidate those who would attack them. <BR/>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++<BR/><BR/>Aimee, you are just awesome in your ability to articulate truth and wisdom. You are another one that needs to WRITE A BOOK.<BR/><BR/>You see Anon, this is the great secret of life. You must learn to laugh at the insecure people that try to bring you down. And if you just can't learn to contain that little tit for tat revenge demon, redefine what revenge is to empower yourself. <BR/><BR/>Your strength combined with your laughter IS THE BEST REVENGE. Because they have shown themselves too silly to be taken seriously.<BR/><BR/>The best revenge is to be better than them. The best revenge is to succeed in life and get the things you want. The best revenge is to do EXACTLY as you please because it pleases you and not care about what they think. <BR/><BR/>The best revenge is to be confident and happy. Being stuck in anger is just a waste of time and disempowers you. But being and having everything you ever wanted, that's being powerful and that's the best revenge.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-86305673015244051992007-10-22T16:06:00.000-04:002007-10-22T16:06:00.000-04:00WHOA YOU are HEAVY DUTY Aimee!I whole heartedly ag...WHOA YOU are HEAVY DUTY Aimee!<BR/><BR/>I whole heartedly agree with everything you've stated in your 11:07 AM comment.<BR/><BR/>BW - those who have been repeatedly traumatized and not - should reread that message of yours repeatedly if necessary. Print it out and post it on the refrigerator. <BR/><BR/>Internalize the truth (and freedom) in it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-59103176244336800492007-10-22T12:06:00.000-04:002007-10-22T12:06:00.000-04:00The one advantage to being marginalized from that ...<I>The one advantage to being marginalized from that system of beauty is that since it can't bestow your esteem, it also can't take it away.</I><BR/><BR/>Quite true! Oh, I hope that more black women will begin to realize this and pass it on to young black girls. I hope that I will remember this during a time when I'm feeling marginalized. I hope that I can encourage a woman or girl who may feel that way. I hope.Daphnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01503615085554461394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-46845902302715501272007-10-22T11:07:00.000-04:002007-10-22T11:07:00.000-04:00Anonymous said... BW get slandered all the time bo...Anonymous said... <BR/><BR/><I>BW get slandered all the time both in real life, and in cyberspace, and a good amount of that slander comes from BM & WW, especially if they are dating each other. The slander is cold, cruel, and very insensitive to the plight of BW. Yet it seems to me that in YOUR space, you guys want to take the high road as it were, in regards to how you talk about WW & BM.</I><BR/><BR/>My only question, anonymous, is what I wrote in this post that gave you the impression that I was taking <B>any</B> road when it comes to BW or WW, high or low? My post was about US, not THEM.<BR/><BR/><I>I do not think they deserve that, and I believe in giving as good as you get, an eye for an eye. They (WW & BW) pull no punches in slandering and insulting BW, and I feel you should give it back to them in kind, that is all. For how long is the bias and abuse against BW going to go unanswered or unchallenged? If BW will not stand up for and defend each other, then tell me who will?</I><BR/><BR/>The purpose of this blog is to provide a forum for discussions of interest and importance to BW and those who love us. Topics of discussion may include BM and WW, or slander and insults that BW face more generally, and how we can work together to combat those images. <BR/><BR/>But this blog is not, nor will it be, exclusively devoted to those subjects. I respect your position that we should focus on "giving" it to hateful BM and WW in kind. But powerful people don't simply rely on defensiveness and reaction to protect and care for themselves in the face of attacks. They recognize and celebrate their power and beauty as well as repelling insults. And they don't just focus on "getting back" at wrongdoers; they invest in their own health, peace and well-being. The fact that they exist in a place of self-confidence and serentity in and of itself serves to intimidate those who would attack them. The BM/WW couples you are referring to are motivated at least in part, if not in whole, by the idea that we are helpless and miserable, and that they are the cause of our plight--that by "laughing" together at us, they have left us hurt, bitter, and obsessed with them--that they can control us. Well, that simply isn't the case for me and a whole lot of other BW. We control ourselves.<BR/><BR/><I>The truth I want you to face is that BW have been betrayed by who should have protected and loved them the most. This must be acknowledged, I am all for BW getting on with your lives, I just want you to give it those who have hurt you and not care about their feelings, because they have already shown me very clearly that they do not care about yours.</I><BR/><BR/>Give them what? If I see wrong, I have no problem pointing it out. And when sisters are hurt and have to express that hurt in order to heal, I support them 110% in that effort. <BR/><BR/>But I have to give you the same response I give to the people who don't like me talking about BM or using the term "DBRBM" or whatever: I talk about what I am moved to talk about. Seeing a BM walking down the street with a WW does not move me to automatically feel "betrayed." Implicit in much of your argument seems to be the belief that BW must turn to IRRs because they have been "betrayed," failed and abandoned by BM, in the same way you would settle for a bowl of cornmeal mush instead of filet mignon--and that we should therefore still be primarily focused on seething with rage at the men who have left us behind--<I>and who we still really want if only they would act right.</I><BR/><BR/>I guess that's the Kola Boof argument that you can see being made at Classical One's blog right now. That's not where my head is at, and I frankly, don't think it's healthy place for anyone's head to be at. <BR/><BR/>To me, being hurt, expressing hurt, and refusing to be hurt anymore is stage that you move through in life; you don't just stay there, indefinitely engaging damaged people who aren't ever going to get to any place better. Why stay stuck there with them, searching out every outrage by a DBRBM to scold and berate? They keep insulting and mocking BW, and basing their own romantic choices on our supposed "failings," because they cannot stop thinking about us. No matter how far they run, they need us. What have we accomplished for ourselves by simply aping that pathological behavior--when we DON'T need them?<BR/><BR/>You have to confront an enemy from a place of strength--and strength requires more than anger. It requires a sincere and true belief in yourself and your value. That's what I was writing about here, and that would be my predominant message to black girls and young women: you're not going to be celebrated and put on a pedastal by the larger society. <BR/><BR/>But look at the women who ARE--mutilating themselves with surgeries, starving themselves into non-existence, rubbing dyes and chemicals into their skin to change their color. Has all that "adoration" really made them feel sure of themselves? Do most of the young white women you know really respect themselves? The one advantage to being marginalized from that system of beauty is that since it can't bestow your esteem, it also can't take it away. Use that space to develop it from within.Aimeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05618974302577733245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-4799821779678298802007-10-22T08:35:00.000-04:002007-10-22T08:35:00.000-04:00Aimee your arguments are always so well-thought ou...Aimee <BR/>your arguments are always so well-thought out and persuasive. and I would agree totally. I was wondering if you could be persuaded to come over to my blog and give your opinion as to why more and more bw are marrying wm and what you think are the most attractive characteristics of wm. <BR/>thanks so much -sara<BR/>http://sarasbloginterraciallove.blogspot.com/Taylor-Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10105589774077925400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-30095729298542849742007-10-21T19:05:00.000-04:002007-10-21T19:05:00.000-04:00Interesting blog article about black women and int...Interesting blog article about black women and interracial.<BR/><BR/>http://sangraneth.blogspot.com/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-74165140167450809822007-10-21T12:00:00.000-04:002007-10-21T12:00:00.000-04:00"I will respectfully disagree on the BW as good pe..."I will respectfully disagree on the BW as good perspective in Perry's films. Her intrinsic value is directly tied to her acceptance of the struggling black man regardless of his issues, and I've yet to see a woman who was shown in a good light outside of that acceptance."<BR/><BR/>Wow, Daphne, you should be a film critic! I have only seen one of his productions, and you nailed it! It didn't occur to me at the time, and I didn't even analyze what was going on. In "Madea Goes to Jail", the two-timing woman is studying for a business degree, and he paints her as a non-nurturing wife and mother. She's the embodiment of selfishness. He writes her prison guard husband as a flawless man who was duped by her. Lastly, that man goes on to date a lawyer who nurses his wounds from the failed marriage. I was most troubled by the scene when the two fall in love, she says she's a Christian and doesn't beleive in pre-marital sex, Perry (as Madea) says, "oh, that's a trap!" in reply to her statement of values. If a black woman wants to delay intimacy until marriage, that's a trap?! That was my clue that this would be the ONLY Madea/Perry movie I would see. If we aren't allowed to hold the standard of marriage as a goal and not engage in premarital sex, that's pitiful. So, black woman are not to expect men with social and economic parity along with delaying sex until marriage?! WTH?!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-48058007785210799622007-10-21T02:58:00.000-04:002007-10-21T02:58:00.000-04:00This isn't some writer who is wet behind the ears ...<B>This isn't some writer who is wet behind the ears - I'd argue that he has had built his career on highlighting the struggling black man doing his best to get by, with little exploration of the man himself, and juxtaposing the black woman as someone who just needs to see his side of things. </B><BR/><BR/>thanks for going into details daphne, bw just love to be berated for not upholding bm. Masochism and matrydom must turn them all the way on, nothing gets them running faster to the cinema than a film telling them how they need to 'race to the bottom' lol!Halimahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13400009793511308799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-1972965904373546872007-10-20T23:11:00.000-04:002007-10-20T23:11:00.000-04:00Aimee, you might start putting the comments on mod...Aimee, you might start putting the comments on moderation sooner or later.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-35400686669225483662007-10-20T20:13:00.000-04:002007-10-20T20:13:00.000-04:00Daphne,No need to apologize.I'm simply agreeing wi...Daphne,<BR/><BR/>No need to apologize.<BR/>I'm simply agreeing with you. I have not been offended by anything you've said. And I don't think you were long winded at all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5281981687901780653.post-70742321835529329342007-10-20T20:07:00.000-04:002007-10-20T20:07:00.000-04:00OK, you right, I'm wrong. : )Gosh, I sincerely apo...<I>OK, you right, I'm wrong. : )</I><BR/><BR/>Gosh, I sincerely apologize if I came off like that. I understand the point you were making and I do get long-winded when it comes to issues that make me go "gah!" Perry's productions just happens to be one of those. I haven't seen all of his plays and movies, either, and you're quite right in that he has negative portrayals of BM in his works as well.Daphnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01503615085554461394noreply@blogger.com